A Vision of Britain

A sketch from A Bit of Fry & Laurie

Stephen addresses camera. His hair is wild and peculiar. He stares through thick, black-rimmed spectacles.Hugh is playing "I vow to thee my country" throughout on the piano.

Stephen Ladies and gentlemen, bear with me. Bear with me please. Don't stop bearing with me for a few moments. I have a vision, a vision of Britain. I see a country peopled by ... a country peopled by people who, who ... people it with charm, with grace, yes even with greatness. As they people it, they enhance it with their lightness, their amusing accents, their v-neck sweaters and their unusual children. This country shall be free and wide and pretty, and their people shall be free and wide and pretty. And there shall be villages and towns and family amusement theme heritage fun parks which shall smell of urine and vomit. And there shall be twelve water and sewage businesses and leisure dromes and huge edge-of-town crematoriums and day-glo bermuda shorts which are flecked with urine and vomit. I see "Impact" as a new kind of flexible high-yield convenient cash and care card for the kind of person you are today and I hear the sound of many thousands of miles of motorways, conveniently filled with many hundreds of thousands of cars whose seats are stained with children and urine and vomit. And the interior of the cars shall be sweaty and hot and bad-tempered and the queue for the exit that leads to the family amusement heritage theme fun park shall be hundreds of miles long. And there shall be shiny magazines out of which will fall many dozens of smaller shiny magazines which shall offer useful electronic golfing equipment and wall safes disguised as three pin sockets and bright security lamps and personal attack alarms and hand freshen-up absorbent pads to soak up the urine and the vomit. And the faces of the people who are peopling this Britain shall be shiny and they shall be flushed and pink for they shall know that they are forging a new Britain of fun and heritage and family leisure amusement and the boot of their car shall easily accomodate the self-assembly fun park that they shall erect in their bathrooms. As yet, it is all only a vision, a vision of family heritage urine and fun leisure amenity vomit. But soon, soon, with luck, sincerity and steadfast voting it may become a reality.

Vox Pop

Stephen My father was a Conservative and my mother voted Labour so by rights I suppose I should vote Liberal Democrat. But in fact I'm a Nazi. Funny how things turn out.

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