Ass-Kickers' Song

A sketch from A Bit of Fry & Laurie

Hugh and Stephen are a pair of country boys: Hugh has a guitar and Stephen has a very creepy look.

Hugh My brother Oren and I would like to sing for you now, but we can't. At least my brother Oren can't, bein' as how he suffered a strange musical accident when he was young, that caused lasting and considerable damage. So if it's all the same to you, my brother Oren will just sit here and tap along to the strange rhythms in his head. This song is called "There Ain't But One Way". (Starts to play) (Sings) The world is facin' problems,
Gettin' bigger every day,
We got a greenhouse over Texas,
And recession's on the way,
There's hunger in the third world,
There's anger in the first,
Half the world is floodin',
And the other's dyin' of thirst,
But tho' people they may tell you,
That this planet's dyin' fast,
I ain't seen a problem yet,
Can't be solved by kickin' ass,
Kickin' ass!

Stephen Kickin' ass!

Hugh Kickin' ass is what we do,
Kickin' ass!

Stephen Kickin' ass!

Hugh Iron foot in the velvet shoe,
We don't care whose ass we kick,
If we're ever all alone,
We just stand in front of the mirror,
And try to kick our own,
We kicked ass in Grenada
We kicked ass in Iraq
We've kicked the ass out of the ozone layer
Now they say we gotta kick it back,
We'll kick the ass of cancer
We'll kick the ass of AIDS
And as for global warming
We'll just kick ass wearing shades.

Stephen Kickin' ass!

Hugh Kickin' ass is what we do
Kickin' ass

Stephen Kickin' ass!

Hugh Iron foot in the velvet shoe
We don't care whose ass we kick
If we're ever all alone
We just stand in front of the mirror
And try to kick our own
Yes you can move your ass
Haul your ass
And bustin' ass is fine
And there ain't a better place to put your ass
Than on the line
But if you're like us
And you won't take second best
You'll just put your kickin' boots on
And kick like all the rest.

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