John (voice-over) Can't find that channel changer? Stephen digs a hand behind the sofa. Where did I put it last? Is this always happening to you? Sometimes actually have to get up to find it? Stephen raises his massive wobbling bulk off the sofa and looks under a pile of satellite magazines. All those channels available in authentic cinema sound, plus laserdisc, CD-I, game gear, video, satellite, home-shopping ... but no use without a channel changer. Stephen really irritated. But who wants to get up and find it? Now there's the amazing Wristchanger. Stephen sits in front of TV, slumped in chair holding a Wristchanger. Available in a choice of one arresting colours and fabrics, the Wristchanger simply locks on to your wrist ... Stephen snaps it on to his wrist. ... and need never be lost again. No more digging behind sofas, no more unnecessary and unpleasant standing up. Change channels with maximum comfort to all muscle groups. Stephen happily sorts through thousands of channels. But that isn't all. As an introductory offer to the Wristchanger, we're offering two more items designed to enhance viewer comfort. Stephen's knee begins to jog up and down. You know that feeling. You're settled in to your favourite American wrestling programme and suddenly ... Ow! Nature calls. Stephen reaches for an old milk bottle. Well now you can say goodbye to old milk bottles or the more distressing effort associated with standing up. Introducing Comfipee. Cutaway to strange item that might well be used by astronauts. Plumbed into your home, Comfipee allows you to expel those wastes that build up in the bladder after a hard afternoon's drinking of your favourite diet cola or isotonic drink (because sure, fitness is important) without having to leave the action. Stephen, watching, and obviously enjoying a good pee at the same time. A warm smile spreads over his face as he releases. But it doesn't stop there, because Comfipee comes with a completely free companion ... Comfipoo. Cutaway to an even stranger contraption. We know what those pizzas turn into inside your tummy. Before, you used to have to get up to do something about it. No longer. Comfipoo to the rescue. Stephen, watching TV and clearly enjoying a good crap. Comfipoo's built-in wiper, moist-wipe and talcum module gives you total freshness. Comfipee and Comfipoo ... real convenience. Remember, Wristchanger, Comfipee and Comfipoo are not available in the shops. Have your credit card handy while we tell you about the total eat, sleep, shop system you can enjoy. The Cradle To Grave In-Sofa Stayathome System. Stephen, with food dispenser attached to him. With the total viewing Stayathome System you need never get up out of that chair again ... guaranteed! You order your food and your new decoders and videos through home shopping, you enjoy them all in-sofa. From cradle to grave, a world of entertainment just for you.
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