Commentators

A sketch from A Bit of Fry & Laurie

Hugh and Stephen are two rather doddery old commentators.

Stephen As we look down now, on this glorious July afternoon ... what a splendid slight it is, Peter.

Hugh It's an absolute picture, isn't it? The sun beating down ...

Stephen Beautiful day ...

Hugh The crowds ... not a seat to be had anywhere ...

Stephen Packed house ...

Hugh Absolutely packed ... and the grass looking so lovely ...

Stephen Green as anything.

Hugh Green as you like. Absolutely as green as could be ...

Stephen Grass has never looked greener ... The groundsman Arthur ...

Hugh Alan.

Stephen Is it? Alan Dixon. Alan Dixon has done a marvellous job ...

Hugh Marvellous job, he really has. What a scene.

Stephen Marvellous scene ...

Hugh Oh I say there's a bus.

Stephen Yes, look there's a beautiful old English ... what is that? Number 29?

Hugh It's a 29 bus, yes.

Stephen A beautiful English 29 bus, yes, what a marvellous scene. Grass, sun, bus, marvellous.

Hugh Yes, that bus making its way now along the Garboldisham road.

Stephen Garboldisham, beautiful village that is ...

Hugh Absolutely delightful village ...

Stephen Garboldisham. What a lovely name.

Hugh Lovely name. Lovely English name.

Stephen Hello, there are some people getting off the bus ...

Hugh Look out ...

Stephen They're off the enjoy their good old English strawberries and cream ...

Hugh Oh, English, yes, watch out for those German strawberries ...

Stephen Not the same ...

Hugh Not the same thing at all ... English strawberries and cream ... 29 bus going down the Garboldisham road ...

Stephen Grass ...

Hugh Cream ... They begin to gather momentum in some sort of unpleasant sexual exchange of fruity things.

Stephen Garboldisham ...

Hugh Crowds ...

Stephen The South Downs ...

Hugh Malvern hills rolling like a ...

Stephen Motor cars ... leather gloves ...

Hugh A quarter pound of Mrs Faversham's extra strong peppermints ...

Stephen Ovaltine ...

Hugh Wellington boots ...

Stephen Cream ...

Hugh Heaps of cream ... cream and lawnmowers ...

Stephen Summer holidays in Cromer ...

Hugh Vaulting over a stile in a country lane ...

Stephen Catching sticklebacks in an old tin can ...

Hugh "Honestly nanny, I never touched then ..."

Stephen Piano lessons with Mrs Duckworth ...

Hugh Father's hands on the steering wheel ...

Stephen Sit up straight!

Hugh Going faster and faster ...

Stephen Locked in the cupboard for being rude to Mrs Howlett ...

Hugh Take the Wolseley for a run ...

Stephen England ... Elgar ... Malvern Hills.

Hugh Bath Olivers. Play the game ... elbows off the table.

Stephen Who's a brave soldier then? Nanny's hands all steamy and starched.

Hugh England! England and cream ...

Stephen Custard cream ...

Hugh Strawberries and cream ...

Stephen Strawberries and English cream ...

Hugh Take the B road to Petersfield. England. (Shouting now)

Stephen Creamy England!

Hugh England!

Stephen Cream!

Hugh The roast cream of old England.

Stephen Oh.

Hugh Oh I say. A post-coital interlude.

Stephen And here comes Nigel Lawson now ...

Vox Pop

Stephen A challenge for her? Yes I've got a challenge for her. Why doesn't she see if she can bleeding well BLEEP herself. For charity obviously.

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