Fast Talker

A sketch from A Bit of Fry & Laurie

On a street somewhere. Stephen is trying to interview Hugh as the eyewitness to a road accident. Hugh is a fast-talking, over-eager Australian. Stephen has to keep stepping in and out of shot to restrain Hugh.

Stephen (To cameraman) Are we ready?

Hugh Yup. Any time. I was standing ...

Stephen No, I was just talking to the cameraman.

Hugh Right. Got you.

Stephen OK. So basically I'll just ask you what you saw ...

Hugh Well this guy came haring round the corner, must have been doing about fifty ...

Stephen Wait a minute ... Can you wait until ...

Hugh Oh right.

Stephen I'll ask you a question about what you saw ...

Hugh Yeah, this guy came round that corner, I thought he was going to hit that wall over there ...

Stephen No. Can you wait until I've asked you the question ...

Hugh Sorry. Sorry.

Stephen Now then ...

Hugh This guy came round that corner there ...

Stephen WAIT ... a minute.

Hugh Sorry. I thought you ...

Stephen No. Just wait. Brian, are you ready?

Brian (Off) Ready.

Hugh OK. This guy came haring round that corner ...

Stephen Shut up!

Hugh Oh yeah, right.

Stephen Please do not say anything until I've asked you a question.

Hugh Oh I get you. Right, sorry.

Stephen Good. Now Mr Travis, I believe you ...

Hugh Yeah that's right, and this guy came round that corner over there doing about fifty ... Stephen goes right up to Hugh, noses almost touching, and screams at him.

Stephen WAIT ... UNTIL ... I'VE ... ASKED YOU ... THE ... QUESTION!! Longish pause.

Hugh OK.

Stephen Thank you ...

Hugh This guy came ... Stephen punches Hugh in the face incredibly hard.

Vox Pop

Stephen (Wine tasting) Um ... the first one was dog the second cat. No? They were both cat?

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