Grand Prix

A sketch from A Bit of Fry & Laurie

Footage of Formula One cars getting the chequered flag. A sweaty Hugh, as a racing driver, is being interviewed by Stephen. Distant sounds of engines and crowds.

Stephen Michael, you must be thrilled with that result. Take us through the race.

Hugh Yes, well, I was not very happy with the car ... we had a lot of problems, the car was not so good, I think, and ...

Stephen But you won, it's a great result, you must be very happy.

Hugh Well, we had a lot of problems with the car, and I was not so happy, it was very hard ...

Stephen Yes but you won ...

Hugh I won, yes, but there were many, many problems, and it was very hard, and difficult, and I was not happy at all with the car...

Stephen But you did actually, can I get this straight, you did actually win the race?

Hugh With a lot of problems, yes, I won the race, but it was very hard ...

Stephen Leaving aside how hard it was, are you happy to have won the race?

Hugh Well, it was very difficult, you know ...

Stephen Yes, presumably it was. Presumably, that's why you get paid half a million pounds per race and get as much sex as you can eat. My point is, that HAVING won it ... you must be very HAPPY. Pleased. Excited. Enchante. Over the frigging moon.

Hugh Well, we had a lot of problems ...

Stephen ARE ... YOU ... HAPPY?

Hugh Many problems ...

Stephen ARE ... YOU ... HAPPY?

Hugh It was very hard ...

Stephen ARE ... YOU ... HAPPY?

Hugh Difficult ...

Stephen ARE ... YOU ... HAPPY?

Hugh Proble ...

Stephen ARE ... YOU ... ARSING WELL HAPPY, YOU DISMAL, MOANING, FRENCH TWAT?

Hugh What?

Stephen You do a job that half of mankind would kill to be able to do, you can go to bed with the other half any time you like, you are richer than Croesus, I just need to know if this makes you HAPPY?

Pause.

Hugh We had a lot of problems ...

Stephen lunges forward and punches Hugh full in the face.

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