Ignorance

Stephen Interested in politics at all?

Hugh Interested?

Stephen Yes.

Hugh It's my hobby.

Stephen Is it?

Hugh Crikey yes. Politics? Oh yes. Of course it's mostly a weekend thing I'm afraid, but come Sunday, it's down the end of the garden and politics, politics, politics. In answer to your question, yes. I'm a bugger for politics.

Stephen What do you think of Nigel Lawson?

Hugh Nigel ...

Stephen Lawson.

Hugh Lawson, yes. (Long pause) What d'you think of him?

Stephen He's a twerp.

Hugh Oh, thank God for that. I thought he might have been a friend of yours or something. Yes, he's a twerp. What a twerp. Tscch.

Stephen At least you know who he is.

Hugh I don't actually, to be honest.

Stephen You don't?

Hugh Not who he is, no. I've always just thought of him as a twerp. Never bothered to look any deeper than that. It's the shortage of time.

Stephen He's Chancellor of the Exchequer. Just.

Hugh No. Is he? The old bastard. Nigel Lawson, the Chancellor of the Exchequer? What a twerp. Tscch.

Stephen (To camera) Perhaps you can see what we're trying to do here. Hugh is trying to act the part of a man who doesn't know very much about politics. (To Hugh) What do you think of Douglas Hurd?

Hugh Douglas Hurd. Er ... pretty lukewarm about him, to be honest.

Stephen Really?

Hugh Yeah. Bit of a twerp. But ...

Stephen (To camera) Hugh is pretending not to know who Douglas Hurd is.

Hugh ... you know, it takes all sorts to make a world.

Stephen D'you think?

Hugh Oh definitely.

Stephen You don't think that with fewer twerps, you could make a better world?

Hugh Oh you've got to keep the number of twerps down, yes. You can't let them run out of control.

Stephen Tell me something. Did you vote at the last election?

Hugh Oh they haven't banned them as well, have they?

Stephen What?

Hugh Was that the last election? Never going to be any more, ever again? Tscch! And I missed it.

Stephen (To camera) I suppose what we're trying to say with this sketch is, can democracy really work as long as the people who vote are kept, or keep themselves, in ignorance of political affairs?

Hugh Is that what we're trying to say?

Stephen Yes.

Hugh Blimey.

Stephen Because let's face it, doesn't the constitution of the present government show, more clearly than a thousand pictures ever could, that the people of this country haven't the faintest idea who they're voting for?

Hugh Are we trying to say that as well, with this sketch?

Stephen Oh yes.

Hugh Turning out to be quite an ambitious sketch, then?

Stephen You've got to aim high in my view. So, you don't really know anything about Nigel Lawson or Douglas Hurd?

Hugh No.

Stephen So I think this has gone some way towards proving ...

Hugh Mind you, I don't see why I should.

Stephen Pardon?

Hugh They don't know anything about me. Do they?

Stephen Well ...

Hugh I mean, you say I don't know anything about them, so how can I vote, but I say they don't know anything about me, so how can they vote ... to make laws about me?

Stephen Mmm. That would be quite a good point, if it weren't so pathetic.

Hugh Oh I see. We're not aiming that high, then? We don't want to say too much with this sketch?

Stephen No.

Hugh But there's so much more we could say.

Stephen Perhaps, but I'm afraid that time, the old enemy has beaten us again, and we can only say that the pen of my aunt is bigger than the patio of my uncle.

Hugh Huh. Quite a pen.

Stephen Quite an aunt.