Interruptus

A sketch from A Bit of Fry & Laurie

Imelda is washing up at a kitchen sink. Stephen comes in. It's a little bit EastEnders and a little bit The Archers and little bit other things too.

Stephen Julie ...

Imelda Hello, Frank. Kettle's on.

Stephen Thanks, love. Julie, there's something I wanted to tell you ...

Imelda Can't it wait? Only I've got to pick Rebecca up at four.

Stephen Well no, it can't really ...

Imelda Make it quick.

Stephen I'm trying ...

Imelda Only I've got to pick Rebecca up at four.

Stephen Well it's not easy. Thing is ...

Imelda Blimey, it's nearly four now. I've got to pick Rebecca up in a minute.

Stephen Hold on. This is important ...

Imelda Important?

Stephen Yeah, you see ...

The door opens and Clive comes in.

Imelda Bill ...

Clive Sorry, am I ...?

Imelda No, it's alright. Frank was just going to tell me something important, but I've got to pick Rebecca up at four, so ...

Clive I'll pick Rebecca up, if you like.

Imelda Are you sure?

Clive Yeah, no problem. What time?

Imelda Four ...

Clive Blimey, it's nearly four now ...

Imelda I know ...

Clive I'll go and pick her up, then.

Imelda Kettle's on ...

Clive No, it's alright. Better get a move on if I'm going to make it by four ...

Imelda Thanks.

Clive See ya. Clive goes out.

Imelda Now then. What's so important?

Stephen Well ...

Imelda Kettle's on, by the way ...

Stephen No thanks.

Imelda Sure? Won't take a minute.

Stephen No, really ... Julie, you and I ... Clive comes back in.

Clive Sorry ...

Imelda What's wrong? Is Rebecca alright?

Clive Fine, fine ...

Imelda Tell me what's happened ...

Clive Nothing's happened. It's just ...

Imelda What?

Clive Where am I picking her up from?

Imelda Rebecca?

Clive Yeah ...

Imelda Tony's.

Clive Tony's, right. What time?

Imelda Well I said four ...

Clive Blimey, I'd better get a move on ...

Imelda Thanks. Clive goes out again. Now then. What about that tea?

Stephen No thanks.

Imelda Sure? Kettle's on ...

Stephen No. Look, Julie ...

Imelda Two seconds. Warm the pot, couple of tea bags ...

Stephen Julie ...

Imelda What?

Stephen Thanks, I'd love a cup. Imelda pours some tea.

Imelda So this big important thing that can't wait ...

Stephen Yeah, well. I don't know how to put this ...

Imelda Just say it.

Stephen It's not easy. The thing is ...

Imelda Sugar?

Stephen Two, please. Julie, you and I have known each other a long time, yeah?

Imelda Yeah.

Stephen I s'pose, what I'm trying to say is ... The door opens and Hugh enters.

Hugh Have either of you seen Bill?

Imelda Bill?

Hugh Yeah. He was supposed to be giving me a lift ...

Imelda He's gone to fetch Rebecca ...

Hugh What time?

Imelda Five.

Hugh Five?

Imelda No, wait a minute, four.

Hugh Four?

Imelda Four.

Hugh Sure?

Imelda Sure. He'll be back in a minute.

Hugh Oh, I'll hang on then. You haven't got the kettle on, have you?

Imelda No, kettle's off.

Vox Pop

Stephen Damnedest thing. I was in this hardware shop the other day, buying a thirty gallon drum of car wax for my daughter-in-law, when the door bursts open, thirty coppers come lumbering in, and arrest everyone. Place turned out to be a brothel. Quite unbelievable. I mean it said Brothel outside it, but I just thought that was a joke.

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