Kitchen

A sketch from A Bit of Fry & Laurie

John is at a kitchen counter in the studio. Stephen is at his side.

Stephen But less of that earlier. John, you've been looking forward to the summer salad season, I believe.

John I certainly have, Chris. A lot of supermarkets these days package fresh herbs. I'm particularly fond of this one here.

Lifts a pinch of some green dried herb from a small bowl.

Stephen Delicious, I must say. Dill?

John Well, no and that's the point.

Stephen It is?

John It is. But I've found this very handy way of preparing it. The usual problem is one of wet lips rotting away the paper.

Stephen Hello.

John But if you take an ordinary Rizzla packet like this.

Brings out Rizzla packet.

Stephen Woah.

John You can simply tear the strip off here and use it to form a protective cardboard roach. That way the herb ...

Stephen (hastily) Let's see what Jane and Frank are up to over there.

Cut to Hugh and Jane.

Hugh Well, here we are, with Jane's blind taste test. Ready, Jane?

Jane has a blindfold on.

Jane As I'll ever be.

Hugh screams with laughter.

Hugh As I'll ever be, dear oh dear ... Jane sips at a glass of red wine. Any thoughts at all, Jane?

Jane Wine?

Huge applause.

Hugh Incredible. Can you name the colour?

Jane White.

Hugh Oh ... Very nearly. Very nearly indeed. Have another go ...

Jane Well ...

Hugh Go on, one more go. I'm sure you'll get it this time ...

Jane Blue?

Hugh Nggg ...

Jane I know! It's red. Definitely red.

Huge applause.

Hugh Jane, that is remarkable. Have a go at this one. Hands her another glass - she sips. Thoughts?

Jane Oh I know this one. Its a Pomerol.

Hugh Yes ...

Jane ... late growth '89, Manon des Haut Louvarges ...

Hugh Extraordinary.

Jane ... from the north side of the hill ...

Hugh North it is ...

Jane ... 8.85 ...

Hugh ... yes ...

Jane ... opened with an air-injection cork pull ...

Hugh ... yes ...

Jane ... poured out by a middle-aged man with cream-coloured trousers, who lives in Putney ...

Hugh (calls) Tony?

Voice off Mortlake.

Hugh Mortlake, but near enough. Anything else?

Jane ... thirty-three to one outsider Saffron Lad will win the National by eight lengths, there will be a mild earthquake in Mexico City at the end of August, the Liberal Democrats will take South Molesley with a thirty per cent swing, and Frank ...

Hugh Still here, my darling ...

Jane You should beware of anyone called Rupert ...

Hugh Will do ...

Jane And electric fans.

Hugh Rupert and electric fans, gotcha.

Download Kitchen as XML