Real Reality

A sketch from A Bit of Fry & Laurie

Stephen addresses the camera.

Stephen Ladies and gentlemen, if you've been wearing your listening trousers at all over the last few time frames, it's not impossible that you will have heard the phrase Virtual Reality. You may have thought to yourself I virtually don't understand what that is, and even if I did, I virtually couldn't give a dalmatian's nephew. That's a shame. Because Virtual Reality represents a colossal leap forward in the field of computer generated images. But we here on A Bit of Fry & Laurie, anxious as ever to bring you only the very ripest, tenderest young happening grooves, have looked ahead to the even more exciting field ...

Hugh shouts, off camera.

Hugh And it is a field ...

Stephen ... and as m'colleague has so loudly pointed out, it is a field - the field of Real Reality. Hugh, what is it?

Hugh is wearing a brightly coloured tie. He sports it for the camera.

Hugh It's very exciting, that's what it is. This little beauty I'm wearing is a Real Reality tie.

Stephen shouts across.

Stephen Cripes. What does that do?

Hugh What this does is enable me to stand here and experience everything around me exactly, but exactly, as if it was real. I can see people and lights and cameras, and m'colleague Stephen, all utterly indistinguishable from the real thing. I actually tried it out at home yesterday morning, and drank a cup of tea wearing this tie, and ...

Stephen Did it taste just like a cup of tea?

Hugh Stephen, I swear I couldn't have told the difference. Then I went to Morocco, and crossed the Atlas mountains without ropes of any kind, and it really was pretty scary. It had me fooled, anyway.

Stephen Have you had sex while wearing it?

Hugh Very briefly, yes.

Stephen Identical, then?

Hugh No difference at all. I suppose the only criticism I have is that when you're wearing the tie, you're vaguely concious of wearing a tie. Apart from that, it's as good as perfect.

Stephen But what about the cost, Hugh? Surely that must be a worry?

Hugh 'Fraid so. This tie will set you back 475,000. But the manufacturers are hoping to produce a budget version sometime next year.

Stephen Mmm. Can't wait. What are you going to do now, Hugh?

Hugh I'm going to wear this tie in the next sketch.

Stephen I am on the point of orgasm.

Vox Pop

Stephen (as woman) The local pizza delivery boy came round and I took one look and I said, never mind the super supreme, I'll take you, just as you are ... thin and crispy. That's how we met. You could have knocked me down with a court order when I discovered he was my son.

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