Spies Two

A sketch from A Bit of Fry & Laurie

Stephen is sitting at his desk in the spies' office. Hugh enters carrying a cup of coffee. He puts it down on Stephen's desk.

Stephen Hello, Murchison. Nice to see you.

Hugh Whoops! You gave me rather a fright, Control. Sorry - I nearly upset your coffee there.

Stephen No harm done, I can easily mop up that very small drop and it was very kind of you to bring me some at all. I'm most grateful.

Hugh It was no trouble, I was coming in anyway and I though "why not bring in a coffee for Control? It's eleven o'clock, I expect he'd welcome a cup."

Stephen Greatly appreciated.

Hugh I checked with Valerie and she said you like a little bit of milk, not too much, and no sugar. I hope that's right.

Stephen That's exactly how I like my coffee, Murchison.

Hugh Anyway I ought to tell you why I came in.

Stephen Mm, yes. Was there something you wanted to tell me? Or perhaps you wanted to ask me a question?

Hugh Well a bit of a mixture of both really, Control. Do you remember we decided to put a tail on the new Cultural Attache at the Russian Embassy?

Stephen Yes, I do remember. I remember the very day we talked about it. We thought he might be a spy working for the KGB, and I said, "let's follow him around and see if he does anything that might look suspicious".

Hugh That's right. We gave him the Codename Big Bad Wolf, and you decided that it would be good to put Philip and his F division in charge of the surveillance.

Stephen Yes, Operation Coathanger if memory serves me correctly. You were sitting over there - it was quite a rainy day and Philip was standing by the desk, I think.

Hugh Yes. Though if you remember it was before you moved your desk round this way, so he would have been over there.

Stephen Oh yes. I must say I do prefer it like this. I don't think I'll go back. I can see all the door and have quite a nice view over St Giles Circus.

Hugh Yes. That must be nice. Anyway, it looks as if the Big Bad Wolf probably is a spy after all.

Stephen Oh dear. Well we certainly feared as much. Just as well we took the trouble to find out. It shows how it's always worth checking things up, isn't it? Has he been meeting known KGB agents then?

Hugh Yes, he certainly has. As you can see.

Hugh stands there. Stephen puts his hands out and Hugh gives him a blue folder.

Stephen (Looking at the folder) I must say I like this folder. Didn't the old ones used to be blue?

Hugh Yes. It was Valerie's idea to change to blue. She thought it would brighten the place up a bit.

Stephen Very nice too. (Reading) "Big Bad Wolf has a Meeting with Colonel Andreyev in John Lewis's." Did Philip take this photograph himself, do you think?

Hugh (Coming round to look) It certainly looks like Philip's handiwork.

Stephen You can't see which department they're in. I hope Big Bad Wolf isn't stealing any of our secrets or trying to persuade out agents to defect.

Hugh That would be galling, wouldn't it?

Stephen I tell you what. You leave this one with me, Murchison.

Hugh Are you going to tell the Minister?

Stephen I'll certainly have to do that, yes. Meanwhile Philip had better keep up his surveillance.

Hugh Would you like me to tell him? I'll be seeing him later today.

Stephen Would you? That would certainly save me the trouble.

Hugh No problem at all.

Stephen Thanks.

Hugh You're welcome. Anyway, I'd better get back to my office now. The Prague desk has been in a bit of a flap.

Stephen Uh-oh. Mustn't keep you then.

Hugh I'll let you know if anything else crops up.

Stephen That would be appreciated. And thanks again for the coffee. It tasted very nice.

Hugh Really such a pleasure. See you then, Control.

Stephen Bye bye, Murchison.

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