Spoonbending with Mr Nude

A sketch from A Bit of Fry & Laurie

Hugh and Stephen are sitting in a TV studio. There is a table lamp. Hugh has an annoying accent.

Stephen Now, Mr Nude, you claim ...

Hugh That's right, I do claim, I do ...

Stephen Yes, you claim to be able to bend spoons with psychic energy ...

Hugh Psychic energy, yes, that is the method I have chosen, to bend spoons, yes.

Stephen How long have you had this ability?

Hugh How long, precisely, that's absolutely right.

Stephen Well?

Hugh Indeed, you are very sympathetic, thank you. It's very difficult when people are not sympathetic, but you are very sympathetic.

Stephen Thank you.

Hugh No, thank you.

Stephen Can you do other things with spoons, apart from bend them?

Hugh Yes of course I can. I can do anything with a spoon.

Stephen Can you?

Hugh Indeed I can. Give me a spoon, and I will give you the world.

Stephen Well that's a very impressive claim, certainly.

Hugh Thank you.

Stephen That's alright. Well Mr Nude, we have some spoons here. Perhaps you'd care to give us a demonstration?

Hugh I am not a circus freak, you know.

Stephen I realise that.

Hugh Some people think I am a freak. I am not a freak.

Stephen Well I'm sure that nobody here ...

Hugh "Freak!" They sometimes shout at me in the street.

Stephen Do they really? That's awful.

Hugh But you are very sympathetic.

Stephen Thank you.

Hugh Thank you.

Stephen Would you care to have a go at bending this spoon for us?

Hugh Thank you, yes I will bend this spoon.

Stephen Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Nude is now going to bend this spoon using psychic energy.

Hugh That's right, now is when I'm going to bend it.

Stephen Go ahead, Mr Nude.

Hugh quite plainly bends the spoon with his hands.

Hugh Thank you very much, you are all very sympathetic.

Stephen Well the spoon is certainly bent.

Hugh Of course it is bent. Of course it is. I bent the spoon, so, of course it is bent.

Stephen Yes, that much is clear and without argument.

Hugh Forgive me, I am very tired now. To bend a spoon is very tiring, and I have bent too many spoons today.

Stephen How many spoons have you bent today?

Hugh Four spoons today. It is too much. I am not a freak, you know. I am a human being.

Stephen Forgive me, Mr Nude ...

Hugh Of course.

Stephen Thank you.

Hugh Thank you.

Stephen But from where I was sitting, it looked rather as if you just bent the spoon with your hands.

Hugh What are you saying?

Stephen I'm saying that ...

Hugh What is this?

Stephen It's a bent spoon.

Hugh There.

Stephen Oh quite, the question is how did you bend it?

Hugh I don't know how much I like you now.

Stephen Well, I'm sorry.

Hugh Before I thought you were very sympathetic ...

Stephen Well I hope that ...

Hugh But now, I think you are not so sympathetic. Now, I don't like you.

Stephen I'm sorry to hear that.

Hugh At all.

Stephen Are you sure it isn't "fraud" that people shout at you in the street, rather than freak?

Hugh It is you who make the claims. I have always been honest. I bend the spoons with psychic energy, I have told you. I never claimed to be able to bend them with my hands. That is your claim.

Stephen And you did bend it with your hands.

Hugh The spoon is bent, that is enough. Perhaps it does flow through my hands this psychic energy of which you claim. It may be. Certainly the spoon is bent. Therefore I bent it.

Stephen I can bend a spoon with my hands too.

Hugh I have never said that my powers are unique. Always have I striven to teach the world that anyone may bend a spoon. My book is not expensive.

Stephen bends a spoon.

Stephen There.

Hugh To think I found you sympathetic. I hate you now.

Stephen Well next week I shall be examining the claims of a man who says that in a previous existence he was Education Secretary Kenneth Baker and I shall be talking to a woman who claims she can make flowers grow just by planting seeds in soil and watering them. Until then, wait very quietly in your seats please. Goodnight.

Hugh (Simultaneously) If viewers living in the Matlock and Buxton areas of Derbyshire would be so kind as to inspect their cutlery drawers at home they will find that they contain a bent spoon and an unused Weetabix special offer coupon. I can also reveal that everyone in the town of Datchett over the age of fourteen has a slight itch just above the right thigh which they are scratching as I speak. Thank you.

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