Tahitian Kitchen

A sketch from A Bit of Fry & Laurie

Music and titles. Typical cookery programme. Beautifully presented. Stephen is dressed as Elizabeth Martin, a television cook.

Stephen Good morning, I'm Elizabeth Martin and welcome to this week's Tahitian Kitchen. Last week if you can be bothered to remember, we looked at presentation and garnishing of main dishes, Tahitian style. We cov- ered the range of exotic and tasty herbs and spices that characterise this all too bloody often neglected cuisine. This week, I'm thinking particularly of those who might be on a tighter budget and who would like to prepare Tahitian dishes without stretching their sodding pockets too much. So I'm going to show you what you can do with some of the rarer off-cuts of meat, lights and offal, which while they may not sound appetising are, when properly prepared, as tempting, nutritious and arsingly well worth eating as any of the dearer cuts. We see on her chopping board a number of bowls with heaps of spices and so on. There are also some parcels of meat wrapped in greaseproof paper. Now I know a lot of people are funny about eating ears, eyes, brains, noses and so on, but with a little care I think you'll find out that they can be worth the trouble. I have two young ears here, for instance, which I have salted slightly and marinaded overnight. She pulls out two human ears. It is important that they are young, these are taken from an Anglia television journalist, whom I slaughtered two days ago. Freshness is the most important factor with ears. What I'm going to do is combine them with the sweetbreads, or testicles (she produces them) and the fingers (brings up the fingers) in a provencal sauce of tomato and garlic. She blends them together. If you want to add feet and toes I would urge you to remember that smaller is tastier. These are from a Welsh articled clerk, Welsh feet are preferable if you can find them at this time of year. It's a good idea to hang the carcass upside-down for at least five hours just after killing. The toes are ideal as finger-treats or appetising dips. She shows a bowl of toes, lightly grilled. Care to have a try, Michael? Hugh comes on from another part of the set.

Hugh I'm game for anything, Elizabeth!

Stephen (Rather violently) Don't I know it. There you are, this is a simple barbecue sauce. Hugh dips the toe into a sauce.

Hugh I must say. Rather delicious.

Stephen And they won't break the bank either.

Hugh (To camera. In announcer mode) And talking of breaking the bank, Sue has been investigating ...

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