Girlfriend's Breasts

A sketch from A Bit of Fry & Laurie

Farmhouse kitchen set. Like a Tyne Tees TV late night religious discussion set. Stephen intrudes on Hugh who is busy reading a book. They are both foully nice.

Stephen Who told you that you were naked? Hugh puts the book down and looks smilingly up at Stephen.

Hugh I'm sorry?

Stephen I was thinking "who told you that you were naked"?

Hugh You may have lost me there, Arnold.

Stephen Well, let me explain. I was thinking of that passage in the book of Genesis where Adam explains to God why he and Eve have covered themselves.

Hugh Ah yes. If I remember that story alright, Adam says, "we were naked and we were ashamed".

Stephen That's right, Glenn. And God says ...

Hugh "Who told you that you were naked?"

Stephen (As if catching sight of the camera for the first time, speaking directly into it) We were just having a conversation, Glenn and I, about a passage in Genesis that has been intriguing me rather.

Hugh It is fascinating isn't it? But anyway, tell me about the size of your girlfriend's breasts.

Stephen Well, let's clear up this problem of why God should give such a complex reply to what is, on the surface, a very simple question.

Hugh Not as simple a question, in many way, as for instance: "are they very big, or only quite big?"

Stephen Well, fair point. But while not that simple, still relatively simple.

Hugh That's right, Arnold: simpler certainly than "is she very exciting in bed?"

Stephen Ng. I think God was saying, "How are you aware, Adam, of such a thing as a "state of nakedness"? How can that concept mean anything to you, unless you have eaten of the fruit whereof I said thou shouldst not eat?"

Hugh My bet is that they are really quite substantially large. A fulsome pair of funbags, that's my bet.

Stephen One thing at a time Glenn.

Hugh You're right. One thing at a time. Let's take the left one first shall we? How enormous would you say that it is?

Stephen (Laughing) Ha, ha! Glenn is having difficulty concentrating on our Bible Study readings because he has something of an obsession with the size of my girlfriend's breasts.

Hugh (Also laughing) I like to put it this way. Arnold is having trouble concentrating on our little discussions about the size of his girlfriend's bazoncas because he is a little too interested in analysing passages from the Bible.

Stephen We'll sort it out, don't you worry!! They both turn to each other talking again, simultaneously.

Hugh Say a forty-eight cup, or bigger still?

Stephen A knowledge of good and evil, that is what the fruit contained, when Eve took it from the serpent ... etc.

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