Marjorie's Fall

A sketch from A Bit of Fry & Laurie

Some sort of period sitting room. Stephen is fiddling with a clock on the mantelpiece. Hugh enters, agitated.

Hugh Thomas! Bad news I'm afraid.

Stephen Just a moment, John. I promised Marjorie I'd mend this clock for her. I wonder if you could give me a hand.

Hugh Big hand?

Stephen Little hand.

Hugh Anyway Thomas, listen to me. I have some bad news.

Stephen Bad news?

Hugh It's Marjorie.

Stephen Marjorie?

Hugh She's had a fall.

Stephen Marjorie's had a fall?

Hugh I'm afraid so. She was out riding this morning on Thunderbolt, and she hadn't returned by the time Mrs Mempwaster arrived. It turns out she'd had a fall.

Stephen Calm yourself John. Marjorie has had a fall?

Hugh Yes.

Stephen Off a horse?

Hugh Well of course off a horse.

Stephen I don't see that there's any "of course" about it, John. Girls nowadays are likely to fall off anything. Doesn't have to be a horse.

Hugh No, alright. But in this case it was.

Stephen She could have fallen off a chair, a table, a pianoforte, anything.

Hugh Yes, except that, in this case, she was riding a horse when it happened.

Stephen When she fell off?

Hugh Yes.

Stephen So, you reasoned to yourself, Marjorie has fallen from a horse?

Hugh That's right. Thunderbolt.

Stephen Thunderbolt, you say?

Hugh Yes.

Stephen Well, Thunderbolt's a horse, alright.

Hugh Exactly.

Stephen Any damage?

Hugh Too soon to say. Cavendish is examining her now.

Stephen That old fool. What does he know about horses?

Hugh Cavendish is examining Marjorie.

Stephen Marjorie? Is she ill?

Hugh No. She fell off a horse.

Stephen Fell off a horse? Then you'd better fetch Cavendish.

Hugh I have, Thomas. He's in the drawing room.

Stephen Horses are very big, John.

Hugh I know they are, Thomas.

Stephen You fall off one of them, and anything can happen.

Hugh Quite.

Stephen (Pause) Well not "anything".

Hugh No. Not "anything".

Stephen I mean this clock isn't going to become Prime Minister, just because someone has fallen off a horse. I didn't mean "anything" is that sense.

Hugh Of course not, Thomas. Anyway Cavendish is examining her now.

Stephen You said he was in the drawing room.

Hugh He is. Examining Marjorie.

Stephen And where is she?

Hugh She's also in the drawing room.

Stephen Hah. So they're both in the drawing room?

Hugh Yes.

Stephen Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps he's not such a fool after all. How is she?

Hugh Too soon to say. Sounds like a hell of a fall.

Stephen From the horse?

Hugh Yes.

Stephen Thunderbolt?

Hugh Yes.

Stephen Now what the devil is Marjorie doing, falling off Thunderbolt?

Hugh You know how Marjorie loves to ride, Thomas.

Stephen She was riding Thomas?

Hugh No no.

Stephen I'm Thomas, John.

Hugh I know.

Stephen She wasn't riding me. Your story's a bit twisted there, old fellow. Doesn't add up. You said she was riding Thunderbolt.

Hugh She was.

Stephen She was?

Hugh Yes.

Stephen But she's not any longer?

Hugh No. She fell off.

Stephen Good God.

Hugh I know.

Stephen Where is she?

Hugh In the drawing room.

Stephen She was riding Thunderbolt in the drawing room?

Hugh No. She fell off at Stratton Brook, where the path seperates. That young fellow Cottrell found her and carried her to the drawing room.

Stephen Stables would have been better, don't you think?

Hugh What?

Stephen Drawing room's no place for Thunderbolt.

Hugh Marjorie.

Stephen What d'you mean?

Hugh Marjorie's in the drawing room.

Stephen With Thunderbolt?

Hugh No. Thunderbolt's in the stables.

Stephen Oh. Well that's alright, then.

Hugh It's not alright, Thomas. She's had a bad fall.

Stephen Is she hurt?

Hugh Too soon to say. Cavendish is with her now.

Stephen Cavendish? He's a doctor, isn't he?

Hugh Yes.

Stephen I wonder if he knows anything about clocks.

Vox Pop

Stephen I started on the piano and then moved up onto the mantelpiece.

Download Marjorie's Fall as XML