A Bit of Fry & Laurie

Little Chat

Hugh Father?

Stephen Yes?

Hugh I've been thinking.

Stephen Oh yes.

Hugh You know how you said that Mother had gone to live with Jesus?

Stephen Yes?

Hugh Well I don't think that can be right.

Stephen Oh?

Hugh Yes. Because I saw Mother last night.

Stephen You what?

Hugh Yes. In Asda. And the man she was with was nothing like Jesus at all.

Stephen (Putting down newspaper) Look, Jeremy, I think it may well be time that you and I had a little talk.

Hugh Aren't we having one now, then?

Stephen Well, yes, as a matter of fact we are. That's quite right. Good. How old are you now Jeremy?

Hugh Thirty-one.

Stephen Thirty-one, eh? When I first told you that Mummy had gone to live with Jesus, how old were you then, eh?

Hugh Twenty-seven.

Stephen Yes, well, goodness me, there we are you see. Twenty-seven. Time flies doesn't it? My goodness word me yes. There you are. Well now. When I told you what I told you it was a little bit of a fib.

Hugh Oh.

Stephen Yes.

Hugh You told me a fib.

Stephen Well it was to spare you hurt, son. You see Mummy didn't go to live with Jesus at all.

Hugh As I rightly guessed.

Stephen As you rightly guessed. What really happened was that Mummy died.

Hugh Died?

Stephen Yes. She died.

Hugh But I saw her in Asda.

Stephen No, you saw someone who looked a bit like her.

Hugh Oh.

Stephen You had to know sooner or later.

Hugh How did ... how did Mummy die then?

Stephen It's a sad story but you should know.

Hugh Yes?

Stephen I killed her.

Hugh You killed her?

Stephen Yes.

Hugh Why?

Stephen Why? Because she was screwing everything in trousers.

Hugh Oh.

Stephen (Returning to paper) You see?

Hugh Yes, Daddy.

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