Hugh Ladies and gentlemen, I'm extremely lucky to have been born physically healthy, physically whole. I have two eyes, two arms, two legs, four nipples, I'm physi- cally normal and I give thanks for that every single day. However, I do have a mental problem. I suffer from what psychiatrists call a split personality. No I don't. I've had this for some time now, no I haven't, but recently it seems to have got worse. How could it get worse, if it was never there? At the suggestion of my psychiatrist, God what a fraud he is, I have given my other personality a name. I call him Anthony. Yes, what do you want? Now Anthony is not like me. You can say that again. Anthony likes different music, books, films, he likes double pleats on his trousers, where I prefer single, and if it were up to him he would drive a Citreon GX. They happen to be extremely stylish cars. But perhaps Anthony's biggest problem is that he suffers from a split personality. I bloody do not! Anthony's other half, as it were, is called Nathaniel, and he claims to be Welsh. What do you mean claim, I am Welsh, I just don't happen to live there at the moment.
