Stephen Last year I was overweight, short of breath, flabby and - it grieves me to say it, however sexily I might contrive to do so - unhappy. Since then a friend introduced me to Dancercises. I won't tell you who the friend was, but if I drop the hint that it was a prominent quantity surveyor, I think you'll guess. He put me onto "Dancercises" and I must say it was the finest thing he's done in his otherwise futile and meaningless life. The key to Dancercise is the rather ingenious coupling of the word "Dance" to the word "circumcise". The great disadvantage with most forms of keep-fit is that they are uncomfortable, unnatural and can often throw too much strain on the important parts of your family. And, let's be utterly frank, they can look and sound peculiar and embarrassing if performed in public. Dancing, or more properly, Dance, is natural and expressive. Let's suppose I'm a prominent Quantity Surveyor and Hugh is Geoffrey Cavendish, a client. While I work, you can see that it is easy to fit in toning and strengthening movements. Goes over to where Hugh is. Morning Geoffrey. Does a little dance.
Hugh Hello Dennis.
Stephen Got any quantities for me to survey this morning?
Hugh I've got a quantity that I'd love for you to survey if you're not too busy, Dennis.
Stephen (Moving and jiving freely) Yes. This quantity here?
Hugh That's the fellow.
Stephen (Surveying it) Well, that's got that quantity surveyed? Any others?
Hugh That's all for today.
Stephen Thanks, Geoffrey. You'll let me know?
Hugh Oh, Dennis. If there are any other quantities I find and I want them surveyed, you'll be the first to know.
Hugh As I see it one American life is the same as two European lives, four Japanese lives, seventy African lives and three hundred Central American lives. At least that was at the close of business yesterday.
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