A Bit of Fry & Laurie

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Stephen plays Colin Essdale, a drama producer, Hugh plays a complaining woman called Mary Barratt. The presenter is called Elspeth.

Hugh Well I thought it was disgusting. The whole thing was disgusting.

Elspeth Yes, did ...

Hugh There was no warning of what was in store, none whatever ...

Elspeth To be fair, the ...

Hugh And for goodness sake what about my children? No thought was given to this at all.

Elspeth Did your children see the ... ?

Hugh No they didn't. They didn't see it. But only thanks to the purest good fortune that they don't happen to have been born yet, otherwise I dread to think what damage may have been caused. It was simply disgusting.

Elspeth Yes, the ...

Hugh Simply disgusting. Pause. Elspeth thinks that Hugh has stopped.

Elspeth Turning to you Mr ...

Hugh Simply disgusting.

Elspeth Mm. Colin Essdale, as the producer, what do ... ?

Stephen (Nodding caringly) Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. This is obviously difficult ... mm ... perhaps it would help if I explained that I couldn't give a flying toss about Mrs Barratt or her feeble views.

Elspeth Er, well the ...

Hugh I beg your pardon?

Stephen Now, if you don't mind, or even if you do ... I have only an estimated 45 years left on this planet and I don't propose to waste a further second of them talking to a confused old gasbag like you.

Elspeth Well, on the other hand ...

Stephen (Unhooks tie-mike a la John Nott) So, I'm off to see a colleague about making a programme which I fully hope will irritate you and your half-wit friends even more than the last one. Bye! Exit Stephen.

Elspeth So, Mrs Barratt are you satisfied with what you've heard?

Hugh Well not really, no.

Elspeth Tough. (Shouting off) A last word from you, Mr Essdale? Stephen re-enters with drink.

Stephen Pim-hole.

Vox Pop

Hugh The people of Berlin are doing very exciting things with the city at the moment. Basically they had the idea of just knocking it through into one.

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